High School Classroom


(It is 2008. I am well-known in class as a huge fan of the Transformers franchise. The Michael Bay film had just been released the previous year. We are discussing the Great Depression in English class as a background for a Depression-era book we are about to read.)

Teacher: The president during this time was Herbert Hoover, who is mostly known for building the Hoover Dam and doing nothing much beyond that to help the people suffering from the Depression.

(I raise my hand.)

Teacher: Yes [my name], what is it?

Me: *totally straight-faced like I’m serious* President Hoover built the dam to hide the Allspark from alien detection, thus helping to protect humanity from Decepticon invasion.

(The entire class starts laughing while I maintain my straight face. The teacher is just staring at me silently like she doesn’t know whether to laugh as well or continue.)

Classmate: It’s okay, miss. She told [our earth science teacher] that volcanoes are a perfect hiding spot for concealing an Autobot base.

(I really did say that too…)

Elementary School


(I am a teacher at a summer school, and I am with another teacher supervising lunch recess. Suddenly, a boy runs up to us.)

Student: “Teacher, teacher!”

Me: “Hey, what’s up?”

Student: (points to another student) “He went to the bathroom, and he just washed his hands. He didn’t actually go to the bathroom!”

(The other teacher and I exchange a look when we see he is serious.)

Me: “Um…sorry, but that’s not a big deal, [Student.]

Other Teacher: “Yeah, you can go back and play.”

(He does so. After a second, I turn to the other teacher…)

Me: “He did WHAT?! The HORROR!”

Middle school




(Boy in class always says that he never understands anything that we learn)

Boy: “I don’t get it.”

Boy: “I don’t get it!”

Teacher: “if I got five dollars for every time you say that, I’d be rich.”

Boy: “I don’t get it.”

Teacher:” 5, 10, 15, I’m gonna be rich!”

Secondary School


(I’m in year 10, and we’re in a philosophy class. Our teacher has a bit of a reputation for being a smartass at times. He tells us to write some differences between men and women as a starter excercise, ‘aside from the obvious’.)

Student: Sir, what’s the obvious?

Teacher: You know.

Student: No, sir, I’m confused.

Teacher: Come on. You know what I’m referring to.

Student: Well, if you’d just say it…

Teacher: (literally yelling) PENIS!

(Nobody really bothered him with silly questions for the rest of the day!)

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