Primary School

UK

(When I’m nine, because my parents work long hours, quite often my eleven year old sister and I go to after-school club where we can play, do homework etc. Two girls in my sister’s year, who also go to the club, like to tease and humiliate me, repeating things I say in a mocking way and generally just being mean. My sister’s told them several times to leave me alone, but to no avail. One day during tea time, I’ve had enough:)

Me: If you don’t leave me alone, I’m going to hit you.

Girl: *Scoffs and smiles smugly, since she’s much taller than me and knows it.* (Later on, when we’ve gone out to play, I’ve just picked up a skipping rope when the girl comes up to me.)

Girl: *mockingly* Go on, then, hit me!

Me: All right.

(I whack her - HARD - across the knuckles with the tied up skipping rope.)

Girl: OWWWW!!! THAT HURT!!! I’M TELLING!!!

Me: You asked me to hit you, so I hit you!

(Of course she goes to the teacher on duty, but after I tell my side of the story the teacher says she was literally asking for it and should stop acting like a baby. I just got told not to do it again. Strangely enough, the two girls pretty much left me alone after that!)

High School

Perth, Australia

(The whole class is talking at once and yelling questions at our teacher)

Teacher: Everyone talk one at a time! I can’t read minds, I’m not a ventriloquist!

Veterans hospital

Canada

(A group of friends, my crush, and I are all on a call to remembrance team. For the past few weeks the name Longboat was the running joke between us. So whenever we wouldn’t know the answer in practice we would say longboat. Today is the competition.) Student 1: Ok so remember if you know the answer buzz As fast as you can, and for personal questions do the best you can.

Crush: If we don’t know the answer can we say longboat?

Teacher: No longboat unless he actually is the answer.

* During the competition, I’m asked my personal question, Person in charge: [My name], what happened on (date I have no clue about.)

Me: Uhh… Longboat?

Crush: Like a pro!

Person in charge: I’m sorry, that is not the answer.

Teammates: *dying with laughter*

High school

NE KS, USA

An english teacher for our 10th grade class wanted us to write an informational story based upon our own knowledge. I told her I was planning to write it on Mace’s. She asked if I was writing it on pepper spray. I corrected her telling her I was writing it on War Hammer’s, and at her confusion mentioned Thor’s hammer. She asked who Thor was, though coming from a teacher that used to remove points for using words she didn’t know I don’t know why i was surprised.

Middle School

Kew, VIC, AUS

(Today at school we have a Van De Graff generator, and in chemistry we are allowed to play around with it, seeing as our topic is electricity, and I volunteer to touch it, Note: i am standing on a plastic chair and i am safe unless someone who isn’t on a chair touches me)

Teacher: “Okay, not [my name] please put your hand on the generator and tell me when you’re ready for me to turn it on”

Me: *places hand on top* “Ready”
(the teacher turns it on and my hair starts to float up)

Student: *runs forwards and get a closer look and accidentally hits my hand*

Me: *Gets a large shock and falls to the ground*

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